It’s been 13 days since I’ve had a drink. And these oils have been my saving grace. Peace & Calming and Bergamot help me keep it together and stick with it, Purification and Juvaflex detox the liver where alcohol and anger take their toll (did you know anger is stored in the liver?) and Acceptance helps well, with acceptance.
I’m not what you would call a drunk or an alcoholic. In fact, the handful of friends that I have shared this with have told me they drink more than I do, and that I am far from that.
That doesn’t even really matter. What matters is that I know once I start drinking wine, I have a hard time stopping. I know that addiction runs in my family. I know that I don’t want to model that for my children. I know that because I am a peaceful enneagram 9 who holds things in to keep the peace, out they come after a few drinks, and it isn’t pretty. I know that alcohol has been a crutch I’ve used instead of dealing with my problems. That I’ve numbed myself down.
If I had a bad day, I’d have a drink. If I was stressed, drink. If I was worried about something, drink. My kids were being crazy, drink. Introvert having to be social in public, for sure drink. I’m not proud, just being honest.
My go to was red wine, but I found this bottle of vodka tonight, the last remaining bottle of my small stash. I was proud of myself that I had no resistance in pouring it down the drain.
Honest struggles: I’ve had a couple of craptastic days and I literally pulled into the liquor store parking lot, cried my eyes out, and then backed right back out.
I haven’t told my children I stopped drinking, but my oldest has noticed and looked at me proudly when she saw my water bottle at the dinner table and said, “Water Mommy? Good.” 😭
I have felt so tense and my emotions are all over the place. That’s the part I’m struggling with the most. Normally I would just have a glass of wine, and now I’m relying on a to do list and exercise. So far so good, but I won’t lie. It’s a mental battle daily.
The hardest days for me have been those where my motives were misinterpreted. Like I have expectations for my children to behave in a civilized manner in public and someone verbally questioned my parenting making me feel I was being too hard on them. Please pass me a bottle now and pray for me. Sweet Baby Jesus. 😭
Or days when a student seems to be allowed to behave how they like and are not held to the same standard as others, one who disrespects me daily. Where’s my wine?
Being ignored by someone I’ve known for years as if I don’t exist, or being treated kindly when I’m one on one with someone and excluded by them in a group setting. 😭 Shouldn’t mean girls just be a middle school/high school thing?
Positive outcomes I’ve noticed so far: I get so much more done now in the evenings! Staying busy has been my coping mechanism so that I’m too busy to think about drinking. I’m more present for my children. I’m no longer shamefully bringing my “cup” to the dinner table which I hated modeling for my impressionable nine-year-old. I feel so much more well-rested the next morning, and no more headaches.
I will continue to post about my progress and struggles via my blog, and would love any encouraging words any of you could offer. ❤️
Essentially Better Living 
You’re a great mom and I highly think of your many talents and dispositions in life. I find myself thinking sometimes, how would Angie deal with this? I know we can be our harshest critics to ourselves but I also know that you always aim to improve yourself. So keep up the great things you’re doing, you are awesome my friend!
I feel the same about you friend! You just made my day. We love you and your family!
Thank you for bearing your heart, setting all “masks” aside, and being vulnerable! I’ve so enjoyed getting to know you better this year and am always impressed and challenged by your calm and collected nature! Working with you always seems to bring some still and calm to my day as opposed to the hectic whirlwind I seem to be caught up in. Know your post, heart, and friendship have certainly mattered to me! Prayers for your journey.
Lesley, you don’t know how much that means. You have been a bright spot in my school year too! ❤️