Category: parenting

parenting · personal development · Uncategorized

Popularity is Overrated.

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(Written two years ago, and found in my Drafts. Not sure why I never posted.)

I had lunch with my 12-year-old daughter today. She wanted to talk about popularity and I think she wanted reassurance that it wasn’t something she needed to chase. We had the best talk.

We talked about what “popular girls” at her school talk about, and it wasn’t anything she was interested in talking about: talking bad about other kids, judging, gossiping, and talking about boys and dating which isn’t even on her radar yet, thank goodness.

One of the things she is finding most upsetting is hate talk. My daughter is friends with a lot of popular girls, and often overhears them agree with each other when bashing someone “yeah, I can’t stand her either,” or “I hate her too,” when she knows good and well the girls agreeing with these things really like the girls they’re referring to. They will look at my daughter as if she better not say anything.

She shared that when she is with her friends who are considered popular, and someone “better” comes along, and they drop her and act like she’s invisible. I wondered what she meant by “better,” but I could identify with everything she was saying because I’ve lived it too as a girl.

Side Note: When I was in school, I had friends who most people would consider to be "popular," and they were smart, kind, and amazing girls with strong moral values! I share this to say that there is nothing wrong with being popular, and I don't want that to be the take away from this post - for it to come across as I a put-down for popularity all together. It is great to be well-known and well-liked. I am all for that definition of popularity - popular leaders can be great role models. My concern for our young people today, is when popularity means sacrificing who you are, and friendships forged from mutual hate and cruelty in order to belong to a popular clique. That type of popularity sadly does exist in our schools and is the type my daughter is subject to. Think Mean Girls.

We also talked about how quality is so much more important than quantity. She mentioned one of her favorite popular friends in particular who seems obsessed with being friends with every girl in the “popular” circle and she can see how this is changing her friend. I could tell it makes her sad because she really likes this girl, but she was also able to articulate that this friend must be insecure on some level to exert so much energy on how she is perceived by others. I told my daughter that it is a much happier and healthier path to have a few friends who accept you for exactly who you are than to have a lot of so-called-friends who require you to give up pieces of yourself to be who you think they want you to be. That must be so exhausting!

As we were leaving the restaurant I left feeling like she got my message that popularity is overrated. I reassured her that she was fine to wait on boy talk, and that she has her whole life ahead of her to think about that. She’s ok to be a kid. She said, “that’s what I thought,” with her sweet smile. I let her know that as long as she is true to who she is and is kind to everyone, that she’ll never be without friends; to make it her goal to have friends in every social circle because she will need to get along with all types of people in the real world.

I am so proud of my girl and the close friends she is choosing. They are great kids, kind, down-to-earth, grounded, true to who they are, and care about how they do in school. I don’t know if they’re popular and don’t really care. I know they love my daughter and she loves them. I am also proud of her for continuing to love all of her friends whether they have a label of “popular” or not.

health · kids · parenting

Turning off your thoughts: a guide for kids.

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I teach sixth grade, and every day I share a thought for the day (a positive quote) with my students. Today’s thought was “One of the greatest addictions people have is the addiction to thought.” I talked to them about how when we think about addiction, we usually think about being addicted to video games or soda or TV, but thinking can also be an addition. In fact, these days most of us can find ourselves addicted to thinking, especially negative thoughts. I asked students if they ever have a hard time falling asleep because they can’t shut their brains off. In all four of my classes, every hand went up. I asked if they would like to know a way to stop it, and I had their full attention.

I had them do an experiment. I had them close their eyes and listen for a sound: the sound of the heating/air unit. It makes a soft white noise sound. Then I asked if they noticed that while they were listening, they weren’t thinking any other thoughts. They agreed that was true.

I explained they could practice that same process at home at night when they’re trying to go to sleep. I also used the word “meditation” at this point and several kids made faces at me. I asked them if when I said the word “meditation” they thought of sitting in a cross-legged position and saying “ohm” and they laughed. I explained that meditation isn’t really about that, that it’s quieting the mind.

Then I asked if anyone had a sound machine in their room. Some said yes, but most didn’t know what a sound machine was. I explained that sound machines can play ocean wave sounds (my favorite), white noise (and what that means), thunderstorms (my father-in-law’s favorite), and one with crickets and birds chirping, which I would personally find annoying. Some students shared that you can have Amazon Alexa play ocean or beach sounds too.

I encouraged them to try this and really focus on listening to and really focusing on whatever white noise sound they chose, then to let me know if it made a difference for them.

We also talked about how tapping in to any of the five senses can help bring you back to the present moment. You can feel the fabric of your jeans or shirt. Like when I’m driving, I will feel the texture of the steering wheel or the fabric of the seat and it will calm me and ground me. In my classroom, during cold weather months, I play a video of a fireplace during classwork time, and during warmer months, I play a video of ocean waves or beach scenery. Both of these are calming and students tell me they help them to be calm and to “turn their brain off” of whatever may be bothering them. Then they can refocus and get back to work.

Our brains tend to have so many tabs open and we can feel so overwhelmed that we don’t know where to start. By practicing mindfulness and having techniques to stop thought, we can turn off the tape playing in our minds of what has already happened or things that we may be anxious about happening in the future. We can be here. Now. In the moment. Namaste.

Hey Mom! Want to Sled with Us?
health · parenting

Hey Mom! Want to Sled with Us?

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I had my children a little later in life than most. I’m in my mid-forties, and have an 8-year-old and a 12-year-old. They REALLY want me to play and sled with them on snow days. And I really want to play with them.

As we get older, mentally we want to have fun and do the same things we did when we were younger, but in reality, our bodies have changed and we have to be more careful to make sure we don’t end up hurting ourselves.

There are three things I do to help prevent injury when I know I’ll be sledding with my kids and they work wonderfully:

  1. Take an Aleve beforehand. I’ve sledded without doing this and have paid the price. The last two snows where I had the forethought to take one before sledding, made a huge difference!
  2. Keep your abs and core tight as you sled. If I’m going to injure myself sledding, it’s going to more than likely be a back injury. I know from taking yoga and pilates, that when you tighten your core (in other words your abdominals, gluteal and back muscles) you are protecting your back! Not to mention, it’s a good core workout!
  3. Apply essential oils beforehand. If you have Young Living’s Panaway or Deep Relief blends, they have been the best that I have found. Ortho Sport or Ortho Ease (also Young Living) work great as well. I prefer Ortho Sport and Ortho Ease since they are already diluted. If you use Panaway, you may want to dilute with a carrier oil. I apply not only to my back, but also to my knees as a preventative measure. If you use other brands of essential oils, I recommend any blend with wintergreen and peppermint. If you would like to buy any of these life-changing oils, you can buy them here.

I was able to sled with my children again today, and can happily report I have no injuries whatsoever, had a great time, and my kids’ love watching me have fun too.

Enriching Your Children’s Lives with Experiences
adventures with kids · parenting

Enriching Your Children’s Lives with Experiences

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When I was just starting out as a mom, I sought out a friend who had older children, and was the kind of mom I hoped to be one day. I asked her for advice and I will never forget it: fill your house with books and give them lots of experiences. Let these become your top priorities as a parent! What you won’t expect, what will delight you, is that by enriching your children’s lives with experiences, you will also be enriching your own.

Make it a priority as a parent that your children be cultured. Take them on annual vacations to the beach and to different parts of the country. Make sure they are knowledgable about arts, music, the theater and food – not just to know about them but to experience them! Find and follow other parents who share experiences that their families were privileged to do. This will help keep you aware and informed about the many experiences available to kids that are possible for you as well.

Dream and imagine how your children will have this kind of life! Daydream, create bucket lists and vision boards. Encourage your children to do the same. They will have all of these experiences! They will travel and explore. They will be knowledgable about foods and arts because they experienced them first-hand.

Unpopular outlook: Creating an enriched childhood for your children, does require a more open and flexible schedule. You should avoid over-scheduling them if you want to provide a rich life full of culture and variety. Consider choosing one extracurricular per season. If your children want to play sports, they can. If it turns out it’s not for them and you KNOW it, let them try something else next time. If they wanted to learn musical instruments they can, but if they decide it isn’t for them, they can move on.

The Arts

Most parents would agree that art is extremely important element in a child’s life. Expose them often and in a variety of ways. Take advantage and participate in opportunities locally, such as pottery classes and as well as painting pottery and canvases. If you live near a big city, or have a chance to travel to one, be sure to experience art museums, the symphony and the ballet. Some art museums allow you to purchase a membership which is a wonderful resource, especially if a children’s program is offered. When we travel, I try to make a point to book at least one artistic experience related to our artistic interests – this could be anything from a concert to a tie-dye experience! Investigate what is available and think outside the box.

Animals

Some of the most memorable experiences for your family involve animals. If your children are animal lovers, zoos, farms and other animal encounters should be high on your list. Whether you’re horseback riding, swimming with dolphins or volunteering at an animal shelter, these are bucket list items that your family will never forget. We are members at Nashville Zoo and love visiting the veterinary center to see what cute babies they have on a given day. Many of the books I’ve checked out for them have been related to the animals they are interested in currently.

Books

Many cities have amazing public libraries, and they are often an under-used resource. If it has a children’s library, you are especially fortunate. Often, the librarians are kind and knowledgable. Some libraries offer a program for children in the summer, with story time, fun themes, songs and dance.

If you have never been, you will need to start by signing up for a library card, typically best done in person. Every couple of weeks, get your children books that they request, or choose them based on their interests. They are never too young for the library. If you have a baby, they will love being read to. It’s such a special place!

When you are thinking about what books to check out, try to choose between 5 and 10 books per child each time you visit. When they are with me, they choose, but sometimes I pop in and choose books thinking about any one of the following criteria: chapter book series they like, characters they like, non-fiction books based on their interests or things they want to learn about, things they are learning about in school.

Food

Another way we have provided rich experiences for our children is through food. My husband is a classically trained chef, so the girls are naturally immersed in much richer food experience than I ever was. But surprisingly, one of them is an extremely picky eater!

However, that is where I feel I’m able to offer the most help. Most moms I talk to share that they also have a picky eater in the family. If you would like to know more and read about ideas for broadening your picky eaters culinary horizons, check out the blog post I wrote on this very topic.

Experiences Instead of Gifts

One of the greatest shifts I have made was deciding to gift experiences and items the children can use for these experiences, instead of toys which often end up being discarded after a week or so. When birthdays or Christmases roll around, consider your child’s interests and enroll them in a cooking class, basketball camp, or horseback riding lessons. Use the money you would have spent on unneeded gifts and use that money for a family trip or experience.

The Big Idea

The memories that you create from giving your child rich life experiences are priceless. Things come and go, but what children really want is your time: presence instead of presents. In this modern day and age where we are led to believe we need a certain gadget or brand of clothing to make us happy, what hasn’t changed over time is that those items lose value the moment we finally possess them, but the family adventures we experience together are treasured for a lifetime.

15 Fun Indoor Ideas for Kids in the Winter: Screen-Free!
kids · parenting

15 Fun Indoor Ideas for Kids in the Winter: Screen-Free!

Essentially Better Living1 Comment

In the past year, just like most families, we find ourselves home more, especially in the winter months. We watch movies, learn virtually, and spend lots of time on zooms. My youngest daughter loves her tablet, and my oldest loves her phone. But it is so important to time aside each week and even daily where they need to find something to do, off screen.

I have tried to become intentional about setting time aside and asking them to put all devices away so that they are giving their eyes and minds a break. In the spring, summer and fall we spend lots of time outdoors and we go on lots of adventures outside the house. It has been more challenging as the weather has turned much colder and the wind can make it downright unbearable to go outside. Despite the weather, it is important to me as a parent that our children don’t grow up addicted to screens and that their hearts find delight in the simple pleasures in life. I thought I would share a list of indoor activities we have enjoyed that bring joy with no screen involved. I hope these help and inspire your family and I would love to know if you have suggestions to add in the comments. We are always looking for new ideas.

  1. Reading: We are regulars at our local library! We check out new books every few weeks so they are always options around that are new and enticing.
  2. Blocks: Wooden blocks (we have these), Legos, Magformers, Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs.
  3. Art: Coloring, painting, cutting and pasting, jewelry making, knitting
  4. Writing: journaling, making lists, goal setting, bucket lists, making cards, writing letters, crossword puzzles, word searches
  5. Board games: Scrabble, Pictionary, Sorry, Connect Four, Guess Who, Checkers, and Yahtzee are some of our favorites.
  6. Music: Play piano (or take up another instrument), play records on the record player, read and learn song lyrics, create a music center (we have harmonicas, kazoos, tambourine, drum, recorder, xylophone and more)
  7. Puzzles: large floor puzzles or consider investing in a puzzle board or table for more complex puzzles.
  8. Build a fort: include blankets, pillows, sheets and flashlights.
  9. Cooking: our kiddos especially enjoy baking and making pizzas.
  10. Chores: there are some they actually like. Both like folding laundry and bringing in and putting away groceries.
  11. Indoor trampoline. One of the best investments we’ve made. It lets them get out energy even when the temp outside is freezing.
  12. Decluttering: Both of my children will take on decluttering willingly. They love the free feeling of getting rid of unwanted things and making space. They also like knowing some other families in need may receive the items they are letting go of.
  13. Make-believe games: Playing house, school or doctor
  14. Tactile fun: Kinetic Sand, Play-Doh and modeling clay are always a hit.
  15. Bring on the classic toys: Lite Brite, dolls, cars, Rubik’s Cube

I hope you and your kids are inspired by this list. Once you are armed with fun ideas, you may find hours go by without anyone wanting to look at a screen. Raising kids who aren’t addicted to screens is really important, and it starts when they are young. The habits you instill in them now will stick with them for years to come.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

You are good.
kids · parenting · wisdom

You are good.

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Last school year, when my youngest daughter was in kindergarten, she had homework to write three “I am” sentences. Three sentences that began with “I am” that were true about herself. As I was going through some of her old papers this week, I came across this homework paper again.

Her first sentence brought tears to my eyes:

I AM A GOOD PERSON.

I echoed back to her, “You sure are a good person.”

Don’t we all need to hear that? And to know that is powerful.

But the truth is we all have times in our life when we question our goodness. We feel less than. We allow the words or perspectives of others taint our self-image, or we let our disappointment in our own thoughts, words or actions affect how we view ourselves. The Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

But why did her words cause me to tear up? I think it was for two reasons:

1. I questioned if I ever made her feel she is not good somehow? As a parent, am I affirming her enough? Does she really know she is good? What can I do to make sure this precious child never questions that statement and maintains her self-worth?

2. Am I good? I want to be good – a good person, a good mom, a good friend, a good teacher. I want to be seen as good, perhaps more than anything.

A few of years ago, I picked “good” as my word for that year and thought I would share some words that brought me comfort then and even still as I reflect on them now.

In a world where we see evil at every turn, I want a constant reminder to combat it with GOOD.

When I hear complaining and gossip around me and feel tempted to join in, instead I need to remember to look for the GOOD.

When I have a conversation, interaction, Facebook post, or decision to make, I want to make sure I’m adding GOOD to the world with my words and choices.

When I feel envious, angry, hurt or resentful, I can choose to act on my emotions or I can choose to see it as an opportunity to do rise above and model what is right and good.

When those around me feel less than or unworthy, I will make sure they know that they are good, that there is much more right about them than wrong.

You are good.

 

Sisters Inspire
art · kids · parenting

Sisters Inspire

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I am mom to two daughters, ages 11 and 6. They are the sweet faces and creative minds behind their new YouTube Channel, Sisters Inspire.

The girls wanted to start a YouTube Channel that would positively inspire other kids the way so many of their favorite YouTubers have inspired them.

Their influences include Rosanna Pansino, Justine Ezariak, Molly Burke, Jesslyn Grace, Sand.Tagious and Come Play with Me.

The girls have a lot to offer and really balance each other out. They bring skills, fun ideas, and laughter to their viewers. Together they love to do games, challenges, food tasting, try products, and do art, DIYs and demos.

YouTube is a viable creative outlet for them and with the potential to not only bring joy to the girls as they create, but to those who view their content.

They have such a genuine passion for inspiring and uplifting others through their videos. Through Sisters Inspire, they want to share good with the world and bring smiles to people’s faces.

Their channel is a dedicated kids’ content channel, so other kids and parents can be sure that anything created on their channel is safe to view.

Please show some love, support and encouragement by checking out their channel, Sisters Inspire. ❤️

10 Aldi Upgrades for Picky Eaters
health · kids · parenting · Uncategorized

10 Aldi Upgrades for Picky Eaters

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Picky eaters are not only tough customers, but it seems like the foods they will eat aren’t always the healthiest. This has been true of my six-year-old little girl.

There is a short list of foods she is willing to eat, and we have tried all kinds of strategies to encourage her to lengthen that list and try new things, often to no avail.

What has been successful is taking a look at the foods she will eat, and trying “upgrade” her the highest quality we can of those foods.

What I’m finding, and I really believe this, is that as we ramp up the nutritional value of the foods she will eat, and we have found a good pre/probiotic for her, she is now more open to trying new foods because our body craves what we feed it. When we feed it junk it craves junk. Now that she is taking in more nutrition she is craving more nutrition!

Here are 10 of our Aldi favorites that meet her seal of approval for taste, and mine for nutrition:

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  1. Whole pineapple. This is a big-time upgrade from canned pineapple since there are no preservatives and it’s not stored in an aluminum can, which is a concern in and of itself. Fresh pineapple tastes better and it will save you money. Pro-tip: You can test to see if a pineapple is ripe by pulling one of the inner-most leaves. If it comes out easily, it’s ripe. And don’t be intimidated by its spiny exterior. Watch a video or two on youtube of how to break down a pineapple. It’s easier than you think!
  2. String cheese. This is a step-up from American “cheese” which actually isn’t a cheese at all. My kiddo loves the mozzarella and Colby spiral.
  3. Ancient Grain bread. This is real bread with actual nutrition! Did you know the most popular brands of bread on the market, aka white bread, are white because the flour has been bleached? Bread should be brown, through and through. Also our wheat supply has been tampered with so even whole wheat sandwich bread can upset your tummy. They are processed to remove bran and natural oils so they will have a longer shelf life. I will be honest that we did use whole wheat sandwich bread as a transition bread and eased her into the Ancient Grain.
  4. Mandies. My daughter loves these little mandarin oranges. There are an upgrade from the fruit cups that are often packed in syrup and definitely have preservatives added. Pro-tip: When shopping for healthier food for your family, a good rule of thumb is to shop the perimeter. The greater majority of junk food and foods containing preservatives are found on the aisles. By avoiding the aisles and shopping the outermost parts of the store (dairy, meat, breads, fruits, vegetables) you are much more likely to be putting healthy items in your shopping cart.
  5. Simply Nature Unsweetened Apple Squeezes. These applesauce squeezes are not only missing the added sugar of the name brand Go-Go Squeeze, my kiddos prefer them.
  6. Rainier cherries. This is a new fruit for our picky eater. There is only a short window that you can find them available (typically June-July). She loves these as well as any other raw cherry. These are an upgrade from the bright red cherries that come in a jar and no doubt have sugar and food coloring added – two things that will ramp her hyperactivity up at lightning speed. If your child is hyperactive, try cutting back food coloring (especially red) and sugar for one week and watch the difference it makes.
  7. Edamame.  My little girl likes very few vegetables. I could definitely count on my fingers how many she will eat. Edamame is one she loves, maybe just for the novelty of shelling them. I mean really, eating them is a fun experience. Aldi doesn’t always carry them, but when they do, they are going in the cart.
  8. Simply Nature Lemonade. No GMOs and Organic. We add her prebiotic/probiotic to this lemonade, and it is delicious when combined. If your child doesn’t take one, Young Living makes an amazing one. It will help him/her to digest sugars and junk foods the body doesn’t normally or quickly break down. You can find them here and my referral number is 2183425 if you are asked for one. You’re welcome!
  9. Simply Nature White Cheddar Puffs. Not only are these non-GMO and organic, but they also are an upgrade from their bright orange name brand counterpart.
  10. Oven Roasted Turkey. This a premium one-pound pack and a step up from the name brand pack we bought previously. She loves a wrap with this turkey. In fact, she discovered today that she likes them with her mozzarella string cheese added.

These ten products are just a few ways that we have upgraded our picky eater’s diet by increasing the quality. I would love to know any of your favorites in the comments, or to know what products from this list you are excited to try.

If you would like to see more Aldi product recommendations, I have a more extensive list for picky eaters and a post for big kids as well.

Keeping Your Child Safe on Their New iPhone
kids · parenting · Uncategorized

Keeping Your Child Safe on Their New iPhone

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My eleven-year-old daughter just received a new iPhone for her birthday. This was unchartered territory for our family, and I was a little uneasy about how to set it up and make sure we had settings and parameters in place to keep her safe.

I found out through friends and a little bit of trial and error, but I wanted to share the settings we personally use that have given us peace of mind.

1. Family sharing. First of all, add your child as a family member. You can go to Settings>Apple ID>Family Sharing.

2. Purchase sharing. Scroll down a bit and you will see several radio buttons. Find Purchase Sharing and turn this off. We do not want our daughter making any purchases on her phone.

3. iCloud Storage. Directly below Purchase Sharing is iCloud Storage. We do have this and I did turn this on. I always think it’s wise to back up data.

4. Location Sharing. We allowed this. We shared locations with each other. I want to know her location at all times and I am fine with her knowing mine.

5. Screen Time. There is so much to be found in this setting. Turn it on, then click on it to reveal the options pictures below. I also love the visual of the graph that lets us easily monitor the time she is spending online.

6. Downtime. This allows you to choose what time your child can get on their device in the morning, and what time they need to be off in the evening. We are on summer break, so hers will most definitely change once school starts.

7. App Limits. This is what I really wanted to know when I was setting up her phone! How to limit the number of hours she can be on her phone. You’ll find it here.

8. Allowed Communication During Screen Time. I chose contacts only. Then further down you can choose exactly the contacts you wish to allowed. Our daughter has 8.

9. Allowed Communication During Downtime. This is for when she’s used up all her screen time. We only allow my husband and I as contacts. We need to be able to reach her at all times, but don’t want anyone else to.

10. Content & Privacy Restrictions. This is an important section! Be sure to click on each option to select the content, movie ratings, to block explicit lyrics and more.

In addition to these iPhone settings, you may consider the Bark App, Life 360 or Disney Circle.

I want to end by saying our child is a great kid. We really do trust her! We love her to pieces and want to do our best to keep her safe online and protect her innocence, while still letting her have a phone like the rest of her peers.

If you are reading this and have any other suggestions, apps, or settings that we should be using or putting in place, I’d love for you to share. We are all better together!

Making the Most of this Quarantine Life
adventures with kids · parenting · quarantine · Uncategorized

Making the Most of this Quarantine Life

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My dad used to say “attitude is everything,” and as a teenager it would annoy me. Now, as an adult, it resonates. We are doing our best to make the most of this stay home time and have the best attitudes we can. I wanted to share some of the things we’ve been doing to make this time special and memorable.

We love going for walks in the neighborhood and really love going on hikes. Many activities have been cancelled, but hiking and being outdoors is not cancelled!

Hiking is our favorite. We are so lucky to live near so many different trails and parks.

Flying kites. Most people think of March as the windy kite flying month. But the entire spring season rocks for this. Check out my blog post on my three best kept kite flying secrets. (I just gave you one.)

Flying kites isn’t just something on our spring checklist, it’s a pastime.

Crafts! We love arts and crafts. It’s super fun to get curious and try new things with art. One of my favorites was making our own scented crayons. Check out my post on how to make them.

We made our own scented crayons.

Scavenger hunts. My kindergartener, Madeline, has received quite a few scavenger hunts from her teacher and really liked them. I am a teacher too, so it inspired me to try and find some my middle schoolers would enjoy. Our favorite was without a doubt was the photo scavenger hunt. You can find it as well as photos from ours here.

The photo scavenger hunt was the best!

Sidewalk chalk fun. We have always loved sidewalk chalk, but we were really inspired when our friends started posting their chalk mosaics on social media. So of course we wanted to try it ourselves. You can check out my post on them here.

Sidewalk chalk mosaic!

Acts of kindness. We have had fun trying to think of ways to show kindness during this time. One way was to paint and hide kindness rocks at one of our favorite hiking trails. Another was to go through our books and take some we didn’t want anymore to our Little Free Library so other children can enjoy them.

Madeline found a kindness rock on our curb which inspired us to pay it forward and make our own.
We donated some of our books to this Little Free Library.

Drives. We live near country roads and drives out in the country are the best. Winding roads lined with trees, beautiful fields and farmland, favorite music cranked and sun roof open. This was not canceled. I would like to add the we are so grateful for drive through coffee and curbside pickup. This lets us help support local businesses too.

Supporting one of our favorite local coffee shops.