Seeking Deliverance from Complaining, Gossiping, and Criticizing

I reached a point this past year where I broke down and asked for complete deliverance from complaining, gossiping, and judging/criticizing. Tall order, right?

Maybe so, but I’m just plain over it. I have no desire to inflict harm to any human anymore, and I’m ready to admit and bring to light that complaining, gossiping, judging and criticizing does harm to your fellow man. And I want total freedom from it. More than that, I want to be proud of the example I’m setting for my two girls, ages 4 and 8. I want them to hear their mama speak life and positivity.

First off, let’s talk about complaining. Complaining lowers the energy frequency of anyone around you. When you think about it, people have enough problems of their own without projecting yours onto them. Not only that, but when we complain, we give power to whatever we are complaining about, and by the law of attraction we draw more like it into our lives. Instead of complaining, actively ask “what can I do about it?” and problem solve to fix this issue. I don’t suppose it’s realistic to say you will never complain, but everyday when you wake up it’s your intention, and you know you’re getting better at it every single day.

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Reach the point where gossiping now repels you….to the point you just want to respect the privacy of others. If you have ever been around someone who gossips incessantly, or the subject of gossip as I have, it is so very hurtful. Distance yourself from those who revel in gossip and try to interject with positive comments when someone attempts to relay gossip to you. There are just so many more productive ways to use your time.

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It is so easy and tempting to judge and criticize others. We have all done it, but I am actively striving to wash my hands of it. Please consider that when you criticize and condemn someone, it may satisfy your flesh and allow you to feel that your life is somehow better, “thank heavens, that isn’t me!” or “at least I’m better than her.” But know that condemning someone does no good, only harm. It is in a sense cursing them to stay that way. Instead, when someone does wrong, see them as no different than you, imperfect, doing their best. As Atticus said to Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird, “if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” Assume positive intentions. Try believing in them, that they will go forward and do better, just as you would want someone to do for you. When you are tempted to criticize someone, think about what that thought is really saying about yourself and what needs to change in you.

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Consider doing personal development in each of these three areas, which I know I am in need of. You may also find you need to retreat from being around others for a period of time, as you try to get these under better control.

And be prepared, you know how they say to be careful asking for patience? The same is true with complaining, gossiping and criticizing. In the past year I have been tempted and tested – complained about, gossiped about and criticized, and placed in situations where I am tempted to complain, gossip and criticize. I am able to be grateful for the suffering I’ve been through because it pushed me to the point of detesting these three acts even more. I have a long way to grow, but I am nowhere near where I used to be. I am ready to move forward, with benevolence and goodwill in my heart for every human being.

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What pushes your buttons?

What pushes your buttons?

Your natural instinct when someone or something pushes your buttons may be to place blame, but in reality, in most cases WE are the ones with the issue, and that button pushing moment is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself that needs to change.

The first step in the scientific method is to state the problem. The same way, if you want inner peace, to come to an end of anxiety, worry, feeling annoyed, complaining, anger (or any negative emotion, really) you need to be aware of what your triggers are. What pushes your buttons and sets you off? What are the catalysts for you transforming from a rational you, into someone who is angry, stressed, bitter.

I took my students through this exercise, and many of them would have loved to spend the class period talking through it.

I shared a couple of examples with them of what were once my triggers and how I now choose to do something about it rather than allow them to set me off on an emotional downward spiral.

Distractions are a trigger for me and frustrate me greatly. I have attention deficit disorder, and it is pretty significant. It used to be, someone would interrupt me and probably say that I overacted and maybe even seemed irrational. I’m wired very differently than most! Those with true ADD, like me, actually have the gift of being able to hyper-focus on a task and give it such great attention. Especially when I’m doing something creative such as writing or teaching an engaging lesson. It’s like I get in this unexplainable amazing zone where I almost feel I become a channel and I’m being used as an instrument to reach others. When I get interrupted or distracted, I can start to feel like I’m going to come unglued because the magic is gone. Any creative will understand exactly what I’m saying. You go from this extreme high of flowing these amazing thoughts and don’t want it to end, then someone or something causes it to come to a screeching halt. Instead of losing my temper and erupting at the interruption, I can ask myself, “what can I do about this?” and go into problem-solving mode.

The answer to distractions and interruptions is always either to let others around you know you need quiet and to be able to focus (communication) or minimize the distractions. This has helped me so much, I can’t tell you. I will let my family know when I am working on something that I need to really concentrate on. Often my husband will watch the girls so I have quiet time or take one child while another is napping which gives me that space. But only if I communicate!

Another button pusher for me is hurrying. When I’m forced to hurry, I get extremely anxious and can even become anxious to the point I get angry. Of course the answer to not being in a rush is to allow yourself plenty of time. I get up early, get ready earlier than necessary, and leave earlier than needed. Now I rarely ever find myself in a hurry because I know to give myself plenty of time prevents it. It’s like the saying goes, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” There are times when I’m in one lane traffic and someone will tailgate me, creating that rushed feeling, or someone may physically tailgate me. I was walking in the hall that connects my school’s front office to our guidance department with a full hot cup of coffee with no lid (I probably should get a cup with a lid). I heard very rapid footsteps behind me. Obviously someone in a hurry. In the past, I would get really anxious and feel like I needed to hurry up. Now I just step aside, smile, and say “you go ahead” and then I get to keep my peace and walk at the speed I choose! In my car, I pull over and let the bumper rider get in front of me, then I can drive at my pace without that fear or pressure.

Many of my students commented that it was SOMEONE who pushed their buttons. In almost every case when it is someone who is pushing your buttons, the solution is to create distance with that individual. Minimize interactions with them to the extent possible, in person and on social media. They were relieved to hear the advice and that if it was someone near their locker, we could move their locker, or in class, to let the teacher know and we could change their seat, even their schedule in some cases if the effect is that significant.

Here is the exercise for you: Create a two-column chart. On the left, list anything that pushes your buttons. On the right, list what you can do about it. This is so eye-opening. It can be a huge game changer and totally free you if you allow it.

Some turn to food, drugs, exercise or venting to relieve stress, but the best method is to identify your stressor, what pushes your buttons. Once you are aware, be a problem solver and decide what you can do about it. Solution-focused vs. problem-focused.


Basil Essential Oil


Basil has always been one of my favorite herbs, so no big surprise it’s also become one of my favorite essential oils.

I love the scent. Try diffusing just a drop or two of Basil and I think you will be very impressed. Young Living essential oils are very potent which is the advantage to choosing the brand. So little goes a very long way and lasts a long time.

Here are a few of my favorite uses:

Use Basil for mental clarity. Basil can help promote mental alertness and memory, and can also improve your sense of smell. Add a drop to the palm of your hand and rub your hands together. Cup your hands over your mouth and nose and inhale deeply.

Get saucy. Try adding a drop or two of Basil EO to your marinara. PS – accept no substitute. Make sure your Basil is pure therapeutic grade, especially if consuming.

Use Basil for overall wellness. Add two drops to a veggie capsule and fill the rest of the way with a carrier such as grapeseed oil.

Soothe your muscles with Basil. Add a drop of Basil to the palm of your hand along with 4-6 drops of a carrier oil such as grapeseed. Rub your hands together and massage wherever your muscles need soothing.

Basil is excellent for supporting anyone in your family who gets migraines. We ran out of our beloved M-grain blend and Basil was my saving grace to support our oldest daughter until I was able to get my hands on more M-Grain.

For me, sometimes Dragon Time isn’t enough during that time of the month. I will layer Dragon Time, followed by tarragon and Basil. The Basil has been KEY. I have no cramping whatsoever since I’ve started layering Basil and love that I can support my body in this natural way!! I learned to add these oils from my Essential Oils Desk Reference book.

I’m so excited that Basil is free to Young Living members this month (April 2018) who place a 100 or more order!

**Did you know Basil is found in Clarity, M-Grain and Aroma Siez?

If you are new to oils, beyond curious and ready to dive in, the Premium Starter Kit is where to start. It has the 12 oils you will use the most often (including peppermint, lemon, lavender, Thieves, Digize, Peace & Calming, Valor, Citrus Fresh, Panaway, Stress Away, Raven and frankincense) plus a diffuser. Grab yours here.