Tag: popularity

parenting · personal development · Uncategorized

Popularity is Overrated.

Essentially Better LivingLeave a comment

(Written two years ago, and found in my Drafts. Not sure why I never posted.)

I had lunch with my 12-year-old daughter today. She wanted to talk about popularity and I think she wanted reassurance that it wasn’t something she needed to chase. We had the best talk.

We talked about what “popular girls” at her school talk about, and it wasn’t anything she was interested in talking about: talking bad about other kids, judging, gossiping, and talking about boys and dating which isn’t even on her radar yet, thank goodness.

One of the things she is finding most upsetting is hate talk. My daughter is friends with a lot of popular girls, and often overhears them agree with each other when bashing someone “yeah, I can’t stand her either,” or “I hate her too,” when she knows good and well the girls agreeing with these things really like the girls they’re referring to. They will look at my daughter as if she better not say anything.

She shared that when she is with her friends who are considered popular, and someone “better” comes along, and they drop her and act like she’s invisible. I wondered what she meant by “better,” but I could identify with everything she was saying because I’ve lived it too as a girl.

Side Note: When I was in school, I had friends who most people would consider to be "popular," and they were smart, kind, and amazing girls with strong moral values! I share this to say that there is nothing wrong with being popular, and I don't want that to be the take away from this post - for it to come across as I a put-down for popularity all together. It is great to be well-known and well-liked. I am all for that definition of popularity - popular leaders can be great role models. My concern for our young people today, is when popularity means sacrificing who you are, and friendships forged from mutual hate and cruelty in order to belong to a popular clique. That type of popularity sadly does exist in our schools and is the type my daughter is subject to. Think Mean Girls.

We also talked about how quality is so much more important than quantity. She mentioned one of her favorite popular friends in particular who seems obsessed with being friends with every girl in the “popular” circle and she can see how this is changing her friend. I could tell it makes her sad because she really likes this girl, but she was also able to articulate that this friend must be insecure on some level to exert so much energy on how she is perceived by others. I told my daughter that it is a much happier and healthier path to have a few friends who accept you for exactly who you are than to have a lot of so-called-friends who require you to give up pieces of yourself to be who you think they want you to be. That must be so exhausting!

As we were leaving the restaurant I left feeling like she got my message that popularity is overrated. I reassured her that she was fine to wait on boy talk, and that she has her whole life ahead of her to think about that. She’s ok to be a kid. She said, “that’s what I thought,” with her sweet smile. I let her know that as long as she is true to who she is and is kind to everyone, that she’ll never be without friends; to make it her goal to have friends in every social circle because she will need to get along with all types of people in the real world.

I am so proud of my girl and the close friends she is choosing. They are great kids, kind, down-to-earth, grounded, true to who they are, and care about how they do in school. I don’t know if they’re popular and don’t really care. I know they love my daughter and she loves them. I am also proud of her for continuing to love all of her friends whether they have a label of “popular” or not.

Stop Talking about Your Problems
law of attraction · wisdom

Stop Talking about Your Problems

Essentially Better Living1 Comment

Contrary to what you’ve heard your whole life (and what I’ve heard my whole life) “venting” and talking about your problems isn’t your best option. Let me share a few reasons why:

  1. Each time you talk about your issue you relive it all over again. Have you ever told someone about something bad that happened to you and found yourself getting upset and maybe even angry all over again, as you were telling the story? It was bad enough that you had to go through it. How many times do you want to retell that story and repeat that vibrational history? Have you ever had someone tell you about their troubles, then hours later they were still telling that same story to other people? It’s really a waste of their mental and emotional energy.
  2. You keep the problem active. You’ve probably heard that “you get what you think about.” Or “what you think about you bring about.” Or “as a man thinketh so is he.” You get the idea. Keep your thoughts positive!
  3. The worse it gets the worse it gets. I know I will meet some resistance and so many swear by therapy. I do believe it has its place! I’ve been to a therapist myself and also participated in group therapy. I can for sure tell you it gave me clarity in certain areas. But it also didn’t lead to a healthier happier me. That came years later. It was when I stopped beating the proverbial drum of “what is” and feeling the need to dredge up the past that things got better for me. Now I’m forward thinking. I’m focused on how I want my life to be. I don’t feel the need to declare “what is” or bring up old school. That’s in the past. I’m quieter, but more content. I’m less popular, but I’m ok with that.

I follow the teachings of Abraham Hicks and I think this transcript from one of her conversations really paints a clear picture of what I’m trying to say:

“Things tipped when I stopped doing talk therapy. I stopped talking about my problems over and over and over. I don’t talk about my problems anymore and they just seem to not be there. And it’s weird ’cause it’s a woman thing – whoever has the biggest problem, you’re the winner. So I’m not very popular anymore. I have some really good problems, but I just don’t talk about them. Then the problem is that I’m not getting any attention, but I’m still having the problems and that’s the part that’s hard. I’m not getting the accolades of making it through.”

“Problems can be entertaining and more people relate to them.”

“People get you more when you’re complaining than when you’re not. There’s never a crowd on the leading edge.”

“Notice that movies and the news aren’t oriented to what’s uplifting. They want to keep your fears active and keep you coming back.”

“Show me a popular person and I’ll show you a complainer.” – Abraham Hicks

To sum it up, if you keep talking about your problems, you may get the positive outcome of popularity because people find you relatable. It’s easier to find mutuality with someone when they share their problems. People may like to hear about your troubles because it makes them feel better about their own lives. HOWEVER, each time you share those problems, each time you complain, be aware that you are no doubt going to bring more things to complain about – more problems – into your reality. That’s law of attraction.

Will you be friendless now? Absolutely not. Rest assured, you will attract others. Contentment and well being is also compelling and everyone is hungry for it. You will even likely attract the same people. The difference is that you will attract the best from them. ❤️