I was listening to one of my favorite podcast guests, Dr. Daniel Amen. He was telling a story about taking his son to a Sea World type park. This story has impacted how I parent and I want to share it here so that I always remember it, but also that it might help inspire others.

Dr. Amen took his son to the aquatic park where they enjoyed sea lions and dolphins, and his son asked to see the penguin show. Dr. Amen struggled to get his son to listen to pick up or do chores or anything he asked. He noticed however that this penguin was doing literally anything the trainer asked and was fascinated by it. He wondered how the trainer was able to accomplish this, so he went up to her after the show and asked.

The trainer explained that anything the penguin did that she asked, was rewarded by a hug from her and a fish. When he did the wrong thing she completely ignored him. This was such an “aha” moment for Dr. Amen and it was for me too as a parent.

How often do we as parents stop and correct the wrong behavior, issue a consequence for the wrong behavior, or decide it’s a “teachable moment?” There are times and places where this is appropriate, but the penguin trainer is onto something if we want confident and resilient kids, and if we want bonds with them.

Every time we criticize and correct, what happens? They get defensive and we isolate the child. We push them away. And often we take their good behavior for granted. We fail to acknowledge with they do the right thing because it’s expected.

I shared this with my older daughter and told her I am committed to doing a better job with this! I am a middle school teacher and totally embrace and practice positive reinforcement with my classes of 30+ students. Why doesn’t it translate for me with parenting? I am going to have to be intentional about it because old habits die hard, but just like Dr. Amen has pictures and figures of penguins in his office, I now have a penguin as my Google Chrome background to remind me to praise what they are doing right. Catch them being good!