Category: personal development

Mantras and Quotes for a Happier Life
inspiration · personal development · relatable · self help · wisdom

Mantras and Quotes for a Happier Life

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If you want to manifest a happier life, become a lifelong collector of positive quotes. Some positive quotes resonate on such a deep level that they become mantras. By definition, mantra is a word, phrase or sound that is repeated, often in prayer or meditation. Mantras help to focus the mind and to promote mental and spiritual well-being. Over time, positive quotes and mantras can weave themselves into your heart and soul. It can happen in such an integrated way that they change your life. You can access this valuable coping skill daily, even hourly.

Read on to learn some of the most life changing and impactful mantras and quotes for daily life. Anyone can learn these quotes and mantras, which starts by just reading them each day. Over time, they become a habit and a practice. The human mind tends to lean toward the negative. So you want to avoid living on autopilot, just thinking whatever thoughts fall into your head. You get to choose your thoughts, so you might as well choose good ones!

I’ve got this. This is such a common affirmation, that chances are you probably already say it multiple times a day. Even for seemingly menial tasks like carrying laundry downstairs and not wanting to drop anything. It is just a simple reminder in the moment that YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS.

“I get to instead” of “I have to.” How often do we say to ourselves that we HAVE TO do something? “I have to go to work/school.” “I have to take the kids to their appointment.” “I have to go to the store.” What’s interesting about the three examples, is that they’re privileges. If you’re honest with yourself, you may actually like doing those things. Saying “have to” to “get to” moves us from a place of dread to a place of gratitude.

I want to make myself proud. When you make the statement “I want to make myself proud,” it’s guiding you to alignment. It’s a reminder to be true to yourself and the type of person you want to be. At first, you might lean toward thoughts of guilt and areas where you have not felt proud of yourself. That’s normal! On a sheet of paper, make a two-column chart. On the left side jot down any of these areas. On the right, you list action steps of what you can do to make yourself proud in this area. Let’s say cleaning your house is an area you don’t always feel proud of. But you can break it down into small chores over time so that you will feel proud. You deserve a clean home. Your family deserves a clean space to live. And when you do things that move you in that direction, you feel proud.

What can I do today to make tomorrow even better? This one is a “magical sentence.” What would your life be like a year from now? Five, ten years from now – if you asked yourself this question every day? It’s one to cling to all day everyday, so much so that it can become your overall VIBE. Start thinking of things you can put into place now, so that tomorrow will run more smoothly. Engage in this practice throughout your day. We all probably do some version of planning ahead to put things in place for our future. Making this a daily mantra can change your life, adding so much peace and a sense of calm.

Assume positive intentions. If you’re someone who tends to be skeptical and cynical, this one is a game-changer. It reminds you to give others the benefit of the doubt. It will help you to become more trusting of others. It allows you to make the shift from assuming the worst in others to looking for the good. Which leads to the next mantra.

Look for the good. Look for the good in others, in yourself, in circumstances, and in difficulties. It will shift your negative thinking to a more positive way of looking at everything. You can place post-its with this quote in areas where you spend a lot of time. Each day, and even in the present moment, ask yourself what good can be found. The impact of this simple daily process will train your brain to look for (and find) a better life.

Things are getting better all the time. Say this to yourself daily. It will help you make this mindshift change: The things that lie ahead are going to be much greater than anything that you’ve left behind. Of course, no one is so naive as to think you won’t have adversity. But you should recognize and believe that the mind is powerful. Our thoughts are powerful. You want to manifest a great life for yourself and your family. Believing that the things your heart wants are coming is an important part of the process of becoming.

Who I am in Christ. This is a series of mantras that come from Joyce Meyer, author and speaker. How often do we get in our own heads? We say negative things about ourselves, focusing on all the things that we think are wrong with us. What if you spent that same mental energy focusing on what is right about you? What if you focused on who God says you are? You can find a sermon where Joyce Meyer shares these. Just do a simple Google or YouTube search for “Who I am in Christ Joyce Meyer.” Be prepared for an emotional reaction when you hear them aloud. You may tear up, the truth resonating with every fiber of your being. Again, you can find a similar and equally powerful list of mantras in this post. Consider printing them out and posting them somewhere you will see them everyday. Better yet, write them out. That way you can commit them to memory and hold them in your heart and mind.

My sincere hope is that you can find and apply any one or more of these mantras to your life. The consistent daily practice of repeating them will elevate your thinking. Your improved thinking will change your life. Namaste.

Achieve Work-Life Balance as a Teacher
health · inspiration · personal development · self help · teaching

Achieve Work-Life Balance as a Teacher

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Over the years as a teacher, I have observed my colleagues stay at school way into the night hours, take stacks of work home, and complain they have no time for themselves or their families. Some even come to school to work on the weekends. They struggle with home-work balance, finding time to be a great parent, teacher, friend, family member. Their workload takes its toll on their mental and physical health. If there is a complement I consistently receive from other teachers, it’s that I have good home-work balance. Part of this stems from placing a priority on my inner peace above and beyond else, but there also are many habits and protocols I have put into place over the years to accomplish this. I realize there are countless blogs and posts on self care, but this one is for my teacher friends.

Set boundaries.

Teaching can consume all of your time if you allow it to. There is always something else to do! You have to start by setting some time boundaries. Now, I am not one of those teachers who spend all their time at school, but nor am I one who gets there at the last minute as buses are unloading and driving off as buses pull out. I come in an hour before kids and often stay an hour after my contracted day. I am motivated to be a great teacher and I love my students! But I also love my family and protecting and guarding my own mental and physical wellbeing. You will never look back ten years from now and think “I wish I spent more time at work,” but you may wish you spent more time with your family, chasing your dreams and taking care of your health.

When you’re thinking about setting time boundaries, set a time that you can be consistent with and agree with yourself that you will stop working and leave at that time daily. For me, the school day ends at 2:30 and I am committed to leave at 3:30. That is a personal time boundary to set for yourself that allows you to get your work done, but also have time for your family and for yourself.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

You have also probably heard the expression that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Some of the things you should consider doing to fill your cup are:

  • Exercise (bonus points if this includes a yoga class once a week)
  • Go to a spa, get a massage, or go to the infrared sauna once a week (*stay tuned* – future post topic)
  • Allow yourself to indulge in a hobby whether that’s reading, writing, art, or playing an instrument
  • Get outside. Work in the garden. Take a neighborhood walk or go for a hike – make it a point to get outside and get some sunlight.
  • Make a point to go outside and get some sunlight EVERY DAY during your lunch break or planning at school. This helps your circadian rhythm and will help you sleep through the night. Hit me up in the comments if you want to know more about circadian rhythm or you can Google it.
  • Start taking a magnesium supplement. This will also help promote sleeping through the night.
  • Consider quitting drinking – that’s a whole different post.

My list is a little different than your typical “self-care list.” That’s because TRUE self care means taking care of yourself. Not filling yourself with gluten or breathing in artificial fragrance from scented candles. Not lounging on the couch for hours and binging shows. Not coming home and napping which disrupts your natural circadian rhythm and is no doubt the reason you can’t sleep at night.

Redefining self care.

While some think of self care as comfort, true self care means you’re improving your health and not detracting from it. True self care means taking care of yourself. If you get on Pinterest and type in “self care,” you’ll no doubt see suggestions like binging your favorite show, napping, having a glass of wine, enjoying your favorite comfort food or lighting scented candles (learn more about exposure to artificial fragrance here). However these all lower your immune system or interrupt your sleep. Take this challenge if you wouldn’t mind humoring me: list the things you do for self care and make a two column table beside it. Label one column “raises my immune system” and the second one “lowers.” If you go back and reread my list of self-care items, they are basically exercise, getting sunlight exposure, getting extra sleep during the night, and eating healthy. These all BOOST the immune system.

We find time (and energy) to do the things that matter to us.

If you are mentally pushing back, thinking how can you take a walk or exercise when you are exhausted from the school day, I hear you! Me too! But that’s the thing and the mindshift change you have to make. YOU GO ANYWAY. I rarely feel like going, but once I’m there I enjoy the routine and I feel AMAZING afterward. I think we mistakingly think of exercise as energy draining, but in actually it is life-giving! You will sleep so much better and you will feel so much stronger and more energized the next day. You will feel proud of yourself for doing it and more confident because your clothes will fit better.

Better sleep, better life.

The amount and quality of your sleep are paramount to your overall mental and physical health. Quality sleep belongs in this post because it’s a time boundary you need to set for yourself and a priority you have to set as well. Make sure that you are going to bed early enough to allow yourself the change to get 8 hours of sleep or rest. The big three that help me go to sleep and stay asleep are taking a magnesium gummy before bed (I like these), diffusing lavender and cedarwood in your bedroom, and temperature – keep your space cool and pile on extra blankets as needed. If you struggle with either going to sleep or staying asleep, I would encourage you to read my post on quality sleep, as there is much more to this than what I am sharing here.

Do your work at work (and how you can do this better.)

I VERY RARELY take any work home with me. The number one way I’m able to accomplish that is by setting planning, lunchtime and before/after school boundaries. In short, I close my door. Now a student here or there may need me and knock on my door, but for the most part, just by closing my door I’m able to work uninterrupted. This is not to be antisocial, but it gives me the time that is the topic of this entire post. I have also realized over the past few years as I have pinpointed my stressors and worked to minimize them, that interruptions are very high on the list. By setting the closed door boundary, I have minimized my interruptions, increased my productivity, and lowered my stress level.

Right or wrong, I eat in my classroom. I’m able to multi-task and get papers graded and recorded while I eat. My lunch is typically composed of finger food so it’s easy for me to be able to eat while I work. Then, as I mentioned earlier in this post, I make sure to get sunlight during this time. I set a timer to go off 8 minutes before students return. This gives me time to walk outdoors to the nicer faculty bathroom and wash my hands using nice hot water. There’s also a water bottle filling station there so I can refill my water bottle with ice and cold water.

Whether you are a teacher or not, a parent or not, the strategies and boundaries shared in this post can help anyone who is wanting to improve their sleep, energy, time management and quality of life. Please share your favorite tip in the comments and let me know if you have other suggestions for how teachers can set better boundaries and prioritize themselves.

Designing Your Perfect Day
health · inspiration · personal development · self help · wisdom

Designing Your Perfect Day

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Designing your perfect day is one of the best choices you can make to bring joy into your life. It’s the idea that begins with simply making a list of all of the things you would do on your ideal, perfect day. All of your favorite things! This can be paper/pencil or on the Notes app of your phone. You can start as soon as today! I’m suggested here, to be clear, not only thinking about planning, but executing your perfect day! You can repeat this several times a year!

Consider making a promise to yourself this year is to take a day each month, just to focus on yourself – your wants, needs and dreams. This can be a weekday or a weekend, but just making sure to do it. We get so busy in the rush of life, that we forget to take care of ourselves. Before we know it, weeks, months and even years have passed and all of the hopes and vision we had for our life have been placed on hold. And we don’t even realize we’re doing it. We forget to do basic care and maintenance for our bodies. We forget to rest. Our health can suffer the consequences.

Taking one day each month can be a game changer. It gives you the PERMISSION and the OPPORTUNITY to stop and check in with what matters to you. There are some mindset shifts, exercises, processes and ideas that can help you to plan and execute this.

Mindset matters. On days like this, it can be easy to fall into the trap of doing work. If you are the workaholic, busy type like many of us are, it can be easy to take a day off for yourself, only to realize you spent it working or running errands. You have to be intentional and set boundaries. Don’t let yourself work and keep your mind set on this the entire day. Don’t check your email, and if possible, try and stay off your devices. Your only goal is to do what suits you! You are worthy and deserving of this.

To keep your perfect day centered around things you love and enjoy, there are several exercises you can use to remind yourself of your hobbies and interests, and processes that you will love to use for planning them. These processes can be done using the Notes app on your phone, Google Slides, or just using a pen and paper!

One of the best exercises you can implement using the Notes app of your phone. Create a note called “What matters to me.” Add a few things now that resonate, but continue to touch back and add to it as sort of an ongoing bulleted list for you. And along with that Note of things that matter to you, include a second Note called “my perfect day.” If you are more of a paper/pencil person, that works great too!

On your “my perfect day” Note, make a bucket list of all the things you would do on YOUR perfect day. Before you do, close your eyes and visualize yourself going through that day in the most delighted state imaginable. Elizabeth Gilbert shared an exercise for this on her podcast, where you close your eyes and visualize the most beautiful setting you can imagine, your favorite scent, the most delightful enjoyable sound, and the most cozy and satisfying fabric on your skin. For me, I’m at the beach viewing beautiful vistas at sunrise, listening to the waves crashing and the sound of birds, wearing my favorite fleece robe and smelling the aroma of my favorite coffee. When I did this exercise, it helped me know that being outdoors, enjoying coffee and watching the sunrise belong on that perfect day list. Close your eyes and go through each of your five senses and include the five things that come to your mind.

Another exercise that will help to design and plan your perfect day, is similar to creating a vision board. You open a blank Google slide and create a collage of images – things that you find are fun, that give you energy, or that are meaningful. Spend some time on this! Keep a tab open for this slide at all times so you can add to it and so that it’s always evolving. This exercise will help you to add other items to your perfect day list. Keeping a slide or list of the things that bring you joy will help you to be more intentional when you do take that day just for you. This helps make sure it isn’t wasted and that every second is spend on the things that make you happy!

Once you have a perfect day “bucket list” or Google slide vision board or both, don’t feel like you have to do all of the things, but instead use it as a way to be intentional and to inspire you. You will be excited the days and weeks leading up to your perfect day. It puts you in such a delightful planning state, trying to pick the exact activities that you think will bring you the most joy at that time. Become a perpetual LIST MAKER. Look over your Google slide, your bucket list, Notes on your phone and pick a few of those things, but always leave room for inspired action – to be spontaneous.

Your perfect day will include all of the things that bring you joy. Some ideas include going for a walk, treating yourself to your favorite coffee or smoothie, writing, yoga, sauna, have lunch with a friend, cast vision for your life, reading scriptures or positive quotes. Find quiet and solace in a bookstore or library and grab books filled with quotes and inspiration that fill your soul. You can also make sure on these days to schedule appointments that will make sure your body is as high functioning as it can be so that I will be strong and able bodied for your grandchildren and their children. Schedule an appointment with your therapist and at the chiropractor for these days. Healthy spine, healthy you. And seeing a therapist is what healthy people do. Seriously. It is so cathartic to feel truly heard and seen by someone. Lunch with your best friend can also serve this purpose.

When creating your list of things that bring your joy, be sure to incorporate visiting new places. It can be so inspiring to try new things and go on a short adventure. Go try that new restaurant for lunch that you’ve been dying to try. Anything life-giving. Outdoor walks. Time in the sunshine (vitamin D).

Consider what larger cities you live near. I live near Nashville, so love going to the zoo or Cheekwood or walking a trail at Radnor Lake, with NO TIME PRESSURE. I love simple things like going to Target at a time when it isn’t crowded or busy and I can linger on each aisle as long as I like (in particular I love the “good Target’) and Trader Joes on White Bridge Road in Nashville. I love Raising Cane’s. I love lattes and flat whites.

What does your perfect day look like? What aspects of designing a perfect day struck a chord with you? I hope this dive into designing your perfect day has inspired you to consider your own. Do you take days like this for yourself? What could you start putting into place so that you could incorporate days like this into your life? Do you see the value in it? Can you visualize it? Making lists of things that spark joy for you is a great place to start. Be intentional about scheduling days like this for yourself. Block them off on your calendar and stick to it. You will be so glad that you did.

health · inspiration · personal development · self help · Uncategorized · wisdom

Starting a Metta Practice

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This is a new concept to me, and I discovered it listening to this episode of the Ten Percent Happier podcast. What made it compelling to me, was when the guest Devin Berry shared that he felt difficult to be around, angry, and easily offended. He also describes himself as sarcastic and skeptical, and that fact that all of those descriptors sadly resonated with me and how badly I didn’t want them to.

As I listened to him talk through a Metta Practice, I tried it for myself. I did not expect the tears to flow! I released so much emotion as I wished love and kindness to others, but especially as I wished it for myself and also forgave myself. I didn’t know that I needed this. Thank you Devin so much for being vulnerable and sharing your experience with Metta.

It has been a long time since I have felt this big of a shift in energy in such a positive way, and I wanted to share it here for a couple of reasons: 1) to selfishly help me process it, and 2) in case others want to find all of the high points shared in the podcast and this short and condensed form.

Initially I thought I would just listen to the podcast once a week, but I don’t trust myself to dedicate an hour to listen through all that is presented there.

Metta is a Buddhist practice that essentially is a practice of wishing others good will, including yourself. It’s the practice of becoming kind and benevolent. There are many mantras involved which I already believe in and practice. I have been a long time believer in the concept of repeating a positive saying or intention throughout my day. I have a yoga practice, and deep breathing and quieting the mind is a part of that.

I also want to go on the record as saying that you do not have to be Buddhist to practice Metta and wish goodwill toward others. I identify as a Christian, believe and God and Jesus, 100 percent. I strongly believe that you can adopt pieces of other religious practices as your own and that all religions have practices we can use to better ourselves.

This practice of Metta takes meditation a step further with a very specific series of mantras, to open your mind and heart.

Choose some meaningful phrases of what you want to bring into your life. These were suggested:

May I be happy and peaceful (may I have joy and contentment).

May I be safe.

May I be protected.

May I have well-being.

This can be hard to wish for yourself. Dan Harris, the host of the podcast, suggests that you begin with “easy people” – someone you love, and if people are hard choose a pet. This made me laugh, but I also found it relatable. Dan suggests also starting your children or spouse. He really likes to front load with two easy people. “May they be happy and peaceful, may they be safe, may they be protected, may they have well-being.”

Eastern practice starts with yourself, but that is hard for most of us so they are inverting this. Once you’ve done your two easy people, you can move to a mentor. “May they be happy and peaceful, may they be safe, may they be protected, may they have well-being.”

Then someone you see on a regular basis, and neutral person. I am sitting at a coffee shop right now, and I chose the barista that I literally have seen every day this summer. I’m not even sure of her name, but “May they be happy and peaceful, may they be safe, may they be protected, may they have well-being.” This one got to me today, because it opened my eyes to how I neglect to think of people in service as being just like me, having real feelings and hopes and dreams. Teary-eyed as a type this.

From the neutral person you shift to a difficult person. “May they be happy and peaceful, may they be safe, may they be protected, may they have well-being.” Each time a think of a “difficult” person, what I find is that I really care for them and have no issue really wanting these things for them, but what makes it hard is that I don’t feel like they want it in return for me. I feel that they either don’t like me or that I annoy them. It points me back to my own lack of self-worth.

From the difficult person you shift to yourself. The idea being that you are better able to want these things for yourself if you are able to wish them for others, even those who are difficult. “May I be happy and peaceful, may I be safe, may I be protected, may I have well-being.”

I will add that as Dan talks through this part of the podcast which I found so very valuable, but he talked through it so fast that I had to re-listen to this part over and over to get it all in my mind. Roughly around 17 minutes into the podcast.

The sense of seeing yourself as a part of an interconnected web, helps you to be kind and step outside yourself. It helps you stop feeling you need more and more, that you need to collect things.

Think of people in your life who have been generous to you. How can you replicate that? How can you serve and volunteer and contribute to the greater good? Each time you practice this, it will help you let go of your since of self and selfishness.

Again, here is the link to the episode of Ten Percent Happier that I refer to in the blog post, but I also recommend that you subscribe to Dan Harris’s Podcast. They are all so good.

Processing Negative Emotions in the Body
essential oils · health · natural lifestyle · personal development

Processing Negative Emotions in the Body

Essentially Better LivingLeave a comment

Let. It. Go. Anger, hate, resentment – all the negativity.

Did you know that each of our emotions are stored in specific organs of our body? Anger, for example, is stored in the liver. If you think about it this makes a lot of sense. Think of the term “disease.” Broken down it is literally “dis-ease,” meaning we are not at ease. Negative emotions then present themselves as illnesses in our bodies. This means the more emotional healing that we do can result in physical healing and better health overall.

Each emotion we have gets stored in a specific organ in our bodies according to traditional Chinese medicine. Learn more here.

Let’s take a look at anger, specifically, how we can process it in a healthy way, and actually release it from our bodies. Because it is stored in the liver, a focus on liver health is imperative. The liver serves as the body’s filter, so the fewer toxins, alcohol and drugs that we ingest the better. The more water and whole foods we take in the better. It’s kind of common sense, but a healthy liver is going to benefit you having a more peaceful life experience if that is the home to anger!

Anger can be released by the use and application of specific essential oils. There are blends of these oils for this exact purpose. Three of my favorites are Juvaflex, Release, and Trauma Life. Trauma Life is great for helping to bring suppressed emotions to the surface so that you can then process them. Release is good for releasing negative emotions in general, while Juvaflex targets liver health specifically.

If your focus is releasing anger, Juvaflex would be your best bet. Anger and hate are stored in the liver, which causes extreme toxicity. Juvaflex contains oils that have been recognized medically and traditionally for aiding the body in cleansing the liver, allowing the body to release the emotions of anger and hate. You can either apply these oils over the liver which is right below the rib cage on the right side. Or you can just add a drop or two to epsom salts in a bath. You can almost feel the negativity melt away.

If your anger stems from trauma or past events and resentment, I would strongly consider Trauma Life. This blend helps bring suppressed anger and other negative emotions to the surface so that you can process it and move through it. I would recommend simultaneously seeing a therapist to help you talk through these feelings in a supported setting. The application and recommended uses for Trauma Life are the same as explained for Juvaflex.

All three of the oils I have shared here can be used to help you process anger and help facilitate moving through negative emotions so that you can lead a happier, healthier life.

Finally, for processing and releasing more deep-rooted emotions and trauma as a result of abuse, there is a blend creating for that called Sara. Sara promotes relaxation into a mental state whereby you may be able to release and let go of negative emotions and the memory of traumatic experiences.

For more tips and ideas for processing negative emotions, check out 6 Healthy Ways to Process Emotions as an Introvert.

This article contains affiliate links for which I may be compensated.

parenting · personal development · Uncategorized

Popularity is Overrated.

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(Written two years ago, and found in my Drafts. Not sure why I never posted.)

I had lunch with my 12-year-old daughter today. She wanted to talk about popularity and I think she wanted reassurance that it wasn’t something she needed to chase. We had the best talk.

We talked about what “popular girls” at her school talk about, and it wasn’t anything she was interested in talking about: talking bad about other kids, judging, gossiping, and talking about boys and dating which isn’t even on her radar yet, thank goodness.

One of the things she is finding most upsetting is hate talk. My daughter is friends with a lot of popular girls, and often overhears them agree with each other when bashing someone “yeah, I can’t stand her either,” or “I hate her too,” when she knows good and well the girls agreeing with these things really like the girls they’re referring to. They will look at my daughter as if she better not say anything.

She shared that when she is with her friends who are considered popular, and someone “better” comes along, and they drop her and act like she’s invisible. I wondered what she meant by “better,” but I could identify with everything she was saying because I’ve lived it too as a girl.

Side Note: When I was in school, I had friends who most people would consider to be "popular," and they were smart, kind, and amazing girls with strong moral values! I share this to say that there is nothing wrong with being popular, and I don't want that to be the take away from this post - for it to come across as I a put-down for popularity all together. It is great to be well-known and well-liked. I am all for that definition of popularity - popular leaders can be great role models. My concern for our young people today, is when popularity means sacrificing who you are, and friendships forged from mutual hate and cruelty in order to belong to a popular clique. That type of popularity sadly does exist in our schools and is the type my daughter is subject to. Think Mean Girls.

We also talked about how quality is so much more important than quantity. She mentioned one of her favorite popular friends in particular who seems obsessed with being friends with every girl in the “popular” circle and she can see how this is changing her friend. I could tell it makes her sad because she really likes this girl, but she was also able to articulate that this friend must be insecure on some level to exert so much energy on how she is perceived by others. I told my daughter that it is a much happier and healthier path to have a few friends who accept you for exactly who you are than to have a lot of so-called-friends who require you to give up pieces of yourself to be who you think they want you to be. That must be so exhausting!

As we were leaving the restaurant I left feeling like she got my message that popularity is overrated. I reassured her that she was fine to wait on boy talk, and that she has her whole life ahead of her to think about that. She’s ok to be a kid. She said, “that’s what I thought,” with her sweet smile. I let her know that as long as she is true to who she is and is kind to everyone, that she’ll never be without friends; to make it her goal to have friends in every social circle because she will need to get along with all types of people in the real world.

I am so proud of my girl and the close friends she is choosing. They are great kids, kind, down-to-earth, grounded, true to who they are, and care about how they do in school. I don’t know if they’re popular and don’t really care. I know they love my daughter and she loves them. I am also proud of her for continuing to love all of her friends whether they have a label of “popular” or not.

Embracing Your Introverted Nature
introvert · personal development · Uncategorized · wisdom

Embracing Your Introverted Nature

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For years, I tried pretending I was something I wasn’t. I was an introvert, but trying to represent myself as an extrovert because I desperately wanted friends. And I didn’t just want friends. I wanted everyone to like me and I wanted to please them all. It was exhausting. I always felt like I had to be “on.”

Then I read a ton of research on being an introvert and the advantages of being an introvert. I learned that being an introvert could actually be an asset. Then I decided to embrace my true nature and live life as me – a real introvert.

I’ve learned so much about myself in the past few years, and made life changes that I will most likely continue for the rest of my life. Seeking alone time each day, setting boundaries, and learning to say “no” are just a few of the changes that I will take with me.

By embracing my introverted nature, I have realized that I avoiding crowds, shopping early in the mornings, and taking lunches by myself are all things that recharge my battery. These are coping skills I’ve fine-tuned and plan to embrace my whole life. By giving myself space and alone time, I am energized and able to be a better friend and family member to those who mean most to me.

One of the most challenging skills I’ve refined is being in a conversation or group setting, having something to say, and being able to remain focused, present and still, but not need vocalize every thought in my head. I’ve learned to be comfortable remaining quiet. Before, I felt like I needed to have something to say, and being socially awkward, I would rehearse things I might say! Does that sound silly to you? Introverts struggle with jumping into the conversation because we don’t want to be rude and interrupt, and we aren’t as assertive about speaking our minds. I would find myself nervously waiting for my turn to speak instead of listening to what the other person was saying, only to find when I did speak, the other person was going to say what I was trying to say anyway, or saying the wrong thing altogether because of my social anxiety.

There have been so many things about my past year that were freeing, but I also found myself lonely. I went from feeling known and acknowledged by everyone I knew, to a life where I was alone and disconnected from everyone I had made so important. Looking back now, I can say that neither extreme is how I would choose to continue. I don’t care to go back to people pleasing and carrying on like I’m outgoing when I’m not, but I also know that living a life withdrawn from everyone else isn’t what I’m after either.

My goal going forward is to strike a balance. I know now that it’s ok to be quiet, and in the few years, I’ve had others tell me what a good listener I am more than any other period of my life. But I also know that it’s ok to take up space and speak my mind. I know that I have value and I have to remember that my voice has as much right to be heard as anyone else’s. I think that’s a pretty healthy space to be, especially for an introvert.

Check out my blog post 6 Healthy Ways to Process Emotions as an Introvert.

You are who God says you are.
personal development · wisdom

You are who God says you are.

Essentially Better LivingLeave a comment

Life is challenging during a regular year, but especially during this past year; so many are struggling. Struggling with being the person they want to be, finding the friends they long to have, getting out and doing the things they wish they could do.

I’m reminded of the scene in Disney’s Moana where Moana approaches Te Kā the lava monster. Te Kā had her heart stolen and is blinded by rage and anger. Maybe we have lost heart and have become taken over with bitterness. Maybe we’ve shut others out and like Te Kā, we are blinded by our emotions. A turning point in the film happens when Moana reminds Te Kā, “They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you. This is not who you are. You know who you are.” We may need someone to remind us that we are off course and that we are not defined by what has happened to us or what has been done to us.

Maybe you’ve been hurt or isolated or unworthy. Perhaps you have felt betrayed, excluded, or written off. Maybe you have been misjudged, gossiped about or rejected. Or it could be that you have made legitimate mistakes and experienced guilt and condemnation. Whatever the case may be, you can let circumstances and misperceptions cloud your vision of the person you were put here to be. When this happens, more than any other time, we need God. We need to remember who he says we are and who he put us here to be:

God says you (yes you) are beautiful, unique, loved, special. You are created with a purpose. You are cared for, lovely, and precious. You are strong, important and forgiven. You are a new creation. You are protected and empowered. You are chosen. You are family and you are his.

God is God for all of us, no one is excluded. No one is written off or rejected by him.

If you struggle with seeing yourself irrationally through your own eyes, or make the common error of trying to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. Take a step back, and remember who you are in God’s eyes. That is the only perception that is 100% true and real.

Staying in Your Power
personal development · wisdom

Staying in Your Power

Essentially Better LivingLeave a comment

Last night, I fell asleep listening to an audio. Then when I woke up, the last few minutes of the next “recommended for you” was playing and ending. It was a two hour audiobook called The Power Is Within You.

It’s all about reclaiming your power, and that it’s all within your control. That is great news!

The author was abused herself as a child, and she begins by explaining that those of us who experienced abuse will subconsciously place ourselves in situations of abuse (hers was physical, mine mostly verbal.) She addressed how you can break this cycle and get back to a place of self-love, through forgiveness and sending love to those who have hurt you.

The book points you to self-love so that you can then love others. And to love yourself, you must use conscious language and be very aware of the words you speak, how you speak to yourself and to others.

It goes on to say you need to stop complaining and gossiping, because negative words bring more negativity into your your life. When you complain, criticize or gossip, when you are talking about others, your mind internalizes it as if you are speaking about YOURSELF. When you talk negatively about someone you need to ask yourself why you feel those things about yourself. The things we dislike in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves. Mic drop!

We often don’t think we deserve. This comes from our childhood, and our power comes from our deservability. What keeps us from feeling we deserve is typically someone else’s belief that we have accepted as truth. If we can let go of this misperception, we can return to our power.

Another part that resonated with me the most was what she had to say about guilt. Maybe you were made to feel like a burden as a child. As an adult this can make you feel like you’re bothering others, you’re in the way, or you’re inconveniencing someone whenever you need anything. Maybe you find yourself apologizing to others when you’ve done nothing wrong. This again points to a lack of deservability which is you trying to see yourself through someone else’s misperception. Stop that!

By dropping these old patterns and leaving your past behind you, you can move forward in your power. Your past does not serve you.

One of the main concepts she proposes is using affirmations and making sure the words you speak are positive. But she defines affirmations differently than what you might think. The traditional meaning of affirmation is a positive statement. Anything we speak is an affirmation and we reap the consequences of all words we speak, good or bad. The book is very law-of-attraction-ish and teaches that the words we speak come back to us some how in the way of experiences. We have to really pay attention to what we say!

I can’t recommend this book enough, whether you listen to the audiobook like I did or if you prefer to just read it. It came along for me at the perfect time. If you have been walking through lows related to past guilt, unworthiness, negativity or not feeling you are deserving, this book will give you the tools and knowledge you need to stay in your power!