Category: parenting

parenting

What are the Jones’s Getting for Christmas?

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Christmas carries so many amazing memories and traditions. In the past, it has been the most joyous time of year, especially when the girls were little and they could be delighted and content with the smallest and affordable items.

As they are getting older, bringing them the same amount of joy comes with a pretty high price tag – it just does. On a tight budget, I struggle with staying with in our means, and doing what I really want to do from the deepest part of my being: give them the things I know will make their hearts soar.

I went through a period where I felt I was unique this way. It seemed as though my friends and parents of my girls’ friends were not only providing their children with the things mine were asking for, but much more. Recently, as I’ve talked to other parents, they feel the same way I do!

I hear of children making Canva presentations of everything they want, hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of gift requests. And just yesterday, a friend posted on social that she had already bought for her child, and he presented her with a Santa letter listing totally different requests, none of which she had already purchased. One of the things he asked for was $1000! Social media seems to normalize overspending at Christmas.

I think where a lot of parents with younger children struggle is trying to keep the idea of Santa alive. I know I did. We wonder if our kids don’t get all they’ve asked for, especially in a Santa letter, will the magic stay alive? Will they still believe? And also the practical side of our brains that screams not only “no,” but “hell no!”

When I look back at gifts my girls have received over the years, and compare my excitement about their potential reaction to opening them to how they actually react, it’s almost always a letdown. Especially 2-3 days later. Gifts that I spent months planning and hundreds of dollars we didn’t have to spend – money that we sacrificed to hopefully put a smile on their face? Now they are items discarded in the corner ALREADY, not touched at all. Or opened and used but taken for granted.

Over time, I’ve tried to find a solution that keeps me in alignment with what I feel is right and reasonable, but bringing joy to my children at the holidays at the same time. Experiences as gifts is a good solution! Tangible items as gifts are kind of like buying a car. They lose value the second you pull out of the lot. Tangible gifts lose their joyfulness and importance with each day we possess the item. Experiences have sentimental value and give us memories that we treasure for a lifetime.

That is why this Christmas I don’t want a Santa letter or a Canva presentation. I’m not even looking at those. They can make them and use them as a list of items for them to save their money and purchase themselves. It’s good to have things that you want and hope for!

I will definitely be listening for ideas and looking for little items that I know will surprise and delight them! I love shopping for their stockings and it’s interesting that the small affordable stocking items always seem to bring bigger smiles than the high dollar gifts.

I will no longer be a parent who is a slave to the pressure of what the Joneses have or what the Joneses are getting for Christmas this year. I will no longer feel pressured to get all the things on my child’s wishlist in efforts to rescue them from a depression or to buy happiness. This never works anyways. My child very well may be literally the only one at her school who didn’t get the viral Nikes or Lululemon whatever, and you know what? She will be just fine.

Summer Camp Essentials
kids · parenting · product reviews

Summer Camp Essentials

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If you’re child is headed off to summer camp, you could feel overwhelmed or unsure of what to pack and what they need. Most camps will provide a list, however they can be vague and still leave you with many choices to make. As a mom who has sent her kiddo to camps in the past, these are some tried and true essentials that you will want to be sure to grab. I could receive compensation from affiliate links included.

  1. Mesh Shower Caddy. This allows any water or moisture to drain. I love this one in particular because they can even fit their towel and a change of clothes in the compartments. I also love all of the little pockets.
  2. Laundry Bag. Your child will need somewhere to put their dirty clothes. This is a two pack and they are pretty cute as well.
  3. Water Bottle/Misting Bottle. I love that this water bottle also has a mist feature. When your child gets hot on a hike they can cool off with a little mist.
  4. 3-Pack Camping Lights. These can be great for reading at night or for needing to leave the cabin at night to go to the bathroom.
  5. Mini Fan. This would be very handy to stay cool in the hot summer heat, and I love the colors.
  6. Travel Bottles. I love that these are silicone and squeezable. They help ensure less wasted product. And again, all the colors.
  7. Jersey Sheet Set (Twin). I know when you think of camping, you think of sleeping bags, but in the summer heat a set of sheets and a light blanket are the way to go! My girls have tried both and the sheet set has our vote over the sleeping bag for sure!
  8. Quick Dry Microfiber Towel. I’m solutions oriented, and I loathe the smell of mildew towels after a towel’s been sitting all week at camp. This is a great solution! Bought several.
  9. Quick Dry Microfiber Beach Towel. For the same reasons as listed above. Needed! Love this design.

I hope you have found this list helpful! I have shopped around, and these were our top choice for each of these items. If you would like to read more ideas for summer camp, check out 13 Care Package Ideas for your Child at Summer Camp.

13 Care Package Ideas for your Child at Summer Camp
kids · parenting · product reviews

13 Care Package Ideas for your Child at Summer Camp

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This summer will be my daughter’s first time away from home for more than one night. While I know she will have the best time and that she will be in good hands, I also know she must have some anxiety about being away from us – the unknown of not knowing all the girls and experiencing things she may have never been exposed to before. I read in our parent information packet that we are able to send care packages. We can even hand them over at drop off! I love thinking of ways to make my children feel special, and even more than that, I enjoy executing those ideas.

I remember my weeks spent at summer camp, and how special it felt to hear the head counselor call my name during “mail call.” Conversely, the days my name was not called I felt disappointed and left out. I want to make sure she has a letter and or small token of our love each day she is at camp.

I hopped on Amazon and may have gone a bit overboard adding items to my cart that I thought would make her week there a little more special. My criteria for care package gifts were these two things: 1) something she could use or do while at camp 2) something she could share with her fellow campers 3) something that would brighten her day and put a smile on her face.

Here is my list, in no particular order (affiliate links included for which I may receive compensation):

  1. A deck of cards. For downtime when girls are just hanging out in their tent or cabin.
  2. Clue, the card game. She had so much fun playing Clue with her camp friend last time they were together, that this just made sense.
  3. Uno (pocket size) so cute and fun!
  4. Camping Mad Libs. My girl loves Mad Libs so I couldn’t resist grabbing these for her. Added bonus? These tear out and fold into postcards that can be mailed home!
  5. A beach ball. Something fun to hit around with friends at the pool.
  6. Splash balls. She can play with these during pool time at camp. There are enough in this pack to share with friends.
  7. Mini legal pad. So she can write to us, or write or draw anything else she might like.
  8. Cute Stationery and Envelopes. Pre-addressed and stamped so sending us letters is easy, and hopefully more desirable. Our child is going to horse camp and the horses on the cards are gorgeous! How fun it would be to get mail from your child at this age?
  9. This cat night light, is battery-powered and changes colors. How cute is this?? It can be pitch-black dark in those tents and cabins at night!
  10. Camping LED Lantern. Easier to power on and more practical than the little cat; multiple brightness settings.
  11. Glow bracelets. I was going to get glow necklaces, but they were too long to fit in the bubble mailers I bought, even the larger ones.
  12. Her favorite gum. The parent guide stated clearly we could not send food, but made no mention of gum.
  13. A misting fan. Some of the days can be brutally hot.

I hope this list of care package ideas has been helpful and has inspired you. Check out my list of Summer Camp Essentials to help your child have the best possible camping experience.

inspiration · parenting · Uncategorized

The Penguin Story: Praise Parenting vs. Correction Parenting

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I was listening to one of my favorite podcast guests, Dr. Daniel Amen. He was telling a story about taking his son to a Sea World type park. This story has impacted how I parent and I want to share it here so that I always remember it, but also that it might help inspire others.

Dr. Amen took his son to the aquatic park where they enjoyed sea lions and dolphins, and his son asked to see the penguin show. Dr. Amen struggled to get his son to listen to pick up or do chores or anything he asked. He noticed however that this penguin was doing literally anything the trainer asked and was fascinated by it. He wondered how the trainer was able to accomplish this, so he went up to her after the show and asked.

The trainer explained that anything the penguin did that she asked, was rewarded by a hug from her and a fish. When he did the wrong thing she completely ignored him. This was such an “aha” moment for Dr. Amen and it was for me too as a parent.

How often do we as parents stop and correct the wrong behavior, issue a consequence for the wrong behavior, or decide it’s a “teachable moment?” There are times and places where this is appropriate, but the penguin trainer is onto something if we want confident and resilient kids, and if we want bonds with them.

Every time we criticize and correct, what happens? They get defensive and we isolate the child. We push them away. And often we take their good behavior for granted. We fail to acknowledge with they do the right thing because it’s expected.

I shared this with my older daughter and told her I am committed to doing a better job with this! I am a middle school teacher and totally embrace and practice positive reinforcement with my classes of 30+ students. Why doesn’t it translate for me with parenting? I am going to have to be intentional about it because old habits die hard, but just like Dr. Amen has pictures and figures of penguins in his office, I now have a penguin as my Google Chrome background to remind me to praise what they are doing right. Catch them being good!

parenting · personal development · Uncategorized

Popularity is Overrated.

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(Written two years ago, and found in my Drafts. Not sure why I never posted.)

I had lunch with my 12-year-old daughter today. She wanted to talk about popularity and I think she wanted reassurance that it wasn’t something she needed to chase. We had the best talk.

We talked about what “popular girls” at her school talk about, and it wasn’t anything she was interested in talking about: talking bad about other kids, judging, gossiping, and talking about boys and dating which isn’t even on her radar yet, thank goodness.

One of the things she is finding most upsetting is hate talk. My daughter is friends with a lot of popular girls, and often overhears them agree with each other when bashing someone “yeah, I can’t stand her either,” or “I hate her too,” when she knows good and well the girls agreeing with these things really like the girls they’re referring to. They will look at my daughter as if she better not say anything.

She shared that when she is with her friends who are considered popular, and someone “better” comes along, and they drop her and act like she’s invisible. I wondered what she meant by “better,” but I could identify with everything she was saying because I’ve lived it too as a girl.

Side Note: When I was in school, I had friends who most people would consider to be "popular," and they were smart, kind, and amazing girls with strong moral values! I share this to say that there is nothing wrong with being popular, and I don't want that to be the take away from this post - for it to come across as I a put-down for popularity all together. It is great to be well-known and well-liked. I am all for that definition of popularity - popular leaders can be great role models. My concern for our young people today, is when popularity means sacrificing who you are, and friendships forged from mutual hate and cruelty in order to belong to a popular clique. That type of popularity sadly does exist in our schools and is the type my daughter is subject to. Think Mean Girls.

We also talked about how quality is so much more important than quantity. She mentioned one of her favorite popular friends in particular who seems obsessed with being friends with every girl in the “popular” circle and she can see how this is changing her friend. I could tell it makes her sad because she really likes this girl, but she was also able to articulate that this friend must be insecure on some level to exert so much energy on how she is perceived by others. I told my daughter that it is a much happier and healthier path to have a few friends who accept you for exactly who you are than to have a lot of so-called-friends who require you to give up pieces of yourself to be who you think they want you to be. That must be so exhausting!

As we were leaving the restaurant I left feeling like she got my message that popularity is overrated. I reassured her that she was fine to wait on boy talk, and that she has her whole life ahead of her to think about that. She’s ok to be a kid. She said, “that’s what I thought,” with her sweet smile. I let her know that as long as she is true to who she is and is kind to everyone, that she’ll never be without friends; to make it her goal to have friends in every social circle because she will need to get along with all types of people in the real world.

I am so proud of my girl and the close friends she is choosing. They are great kids, kind, down-to-earth, grounded, true to who they are, and care about how they do in school. I don’t know if they’re popular and don’t really care. I know they love my daughter and she loves them. I am also proud of her for continuing to love all of her friends whether they have a label of “popular” or not.

health · kids · parenting

Turning off your thoughts: a guide for kids.

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I teach sixth grade, and every day I share a thought for the day (a positive quote) with my students. Today’s thought was “One of the greatest addictions people have is the addiction to thought.” I talked to them about how when we think about addiction, we usually think about being addicted to video games or soda or TV, but thinking can also be an addition. In fact, these days most of us can find ourselves addicted to thinking, especially negative thoughts. I asked students if they ever have a hard time falling asleep because they can’t shut their brains off. In all four of my classes, every hand went up. I asked if they would like to know a way to stop it, and I had their full attention.

I had them do an experiment. I had them close their eyes and listen for a sound: the sound of the heating/air unit. It makes a soft white noise sound. Then I asked if they noticed that while they were listening, they weren’t thinking any other thoughts. They agreed that was true.

I explained they could practice that same process at home at night when they’re trying to go to sleep. I also used the word “meditation” at this point and several kids made faces at me. I asked them if when I said the word “meditation” they thought of sitting in a cross-legged position and saying “ohm” and they laughed. I explained that meditation isn’t really about that, that it’s quieting the mind.

Then I asked if anyone had a sound machine in their room. Some said yes, but most didn’t know what a sound machine was. I explained that sound machines can play ocean wave sounds (my favorite), white noise (and what that means), thunderstorms (my father-in-law’s favorite), and one with crickets and birds chirping, which I would personally find annoying. Some students shared that you can have Amazon Alexa play ocean or beach sounds too.

I encouraged them to try this and really focus on listening to and really focusing on whatever white noise sound they chose, then to let me know if it made a difference for them.

We also talked about how tapping in to any of the five senses can help bring you back to the present moment. You can feel the fabric of your jeans or shirt. Like when I’m driving, I will feel the texture of the steering wheel or the fabric of the seat and it will calm me and ground me. In my classroom, during cold weather months, I play a video of a fireplace during classwork time, and during warmer months, I play a video of ocean waves or beach scenery. Both of these are calming and students tell me they help them to be calm and to “turn their brain off” of whatever may be bothering them. Then they can refocus and get back to work.

Our brains tend to have so many tabs open and we can feel so overwhelmed that we don’t know where to start. By practicing mindfulness and having techniques to stop thought, we can turn off the tape playing in our minds of what has already happened or things that we may be anxious about happening in the future. We can be here. Now. In the moment. Namaste.

Hey Mom! Want to Sled with Us?
health · parenting

Hey Mom! Want to Sled with Us?

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I had my children a little later in life than most. I’m in my mid-forties, and have an 8-year-old and a 12-year-old. They REALLY want me to play and sled with them on snow days. And I really want to play with them.

As we get older, mentally we want to have fun and do the same things we did when we were younger, but in reality, our bodies have changed and we have to be more careful to make sure we don’t end up hurting ourselves.

There are three things I do to help prevent injury when I know I’ll be sledding with my kids and they work wonderfully:

  1. Take an Aleve beforehand. I’ve sledded without doing this and have paid the price. The last two snows where I had the forethought to take one before sledding, made a huge difference!
  2. Keep your abs and core tight as you sled. If I’m going to injure myself sledding, it’s going to more than likely be a back injury. I know from taking yoga and pilates, that when you tighten your core (in other words your abdominals, gluteal and back muscles) you are protecting your back! Not to mention, it’s a good core workout!
  3. Apply essential oils beforehand. If you have Young Living’s Panaway or Deep Relief blends, they have been the best that I have found. Ortho Sport or Ortho Ease (also Young Living) work great as well. I prefer Ortho Sport and Ortho Ease since they are already diluted. If you use Panaway, you may want to dilute with a carrier oil. I apply not only to my back, but also to my knees as a preventative measure. If you use other brands of essential oils, I recommend any blend with wintergreen and peppermint. If you would like to buy any of these life-changing oils, you can buy them here.

I was able to sled with my children again today, and can happily report I have no injuries whatsoever, had a great time, and my kids’ love watching me have fun too.

Enriching Your Children’s Lives with Experiences
adventures with kids · parenting

Enriching Your Children’s Lives with Experiences

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When I was just starting out as a mom, I sought out a friend who had older children, and was the kind of mom I hoped to be one day. I asked her for advice and I will never forget it: fill your house with books and give them lots of experiences. Let these become your top priorities as a parent! What you won’t expect, what will delight you, is that by enriching your children’s lives with experiences, you will also be enriching your own.

Make it a priority as a parent that your children be cultured. Take them on annual vacations to the beach and to different parts of the country. Make sure they are knowledgable about arts, music, the theater and food – not just to know about them but to experience them! Find and follow other parents who share experiences that their families were privileged to do. This will help keep you aware and informed about the many experiences available to kids that are possible for you as well.

Dream and imagine how your children will have this kind of life! Daydream, create bucket lists and vision boards. Encourage your children to do the same. They will have all of these experiences! They will travel and explore. They will be knowledgable about foods and arts because they experienced them first-hand.

Unpopular outlook: Creating an enriched childhood for your children, does require a more open and flexible schedule. You should avoid over-scheduling them if you want to provide a rich life full of culture and variety. Consider choosing one extracurricular per season. If your children want to play sports, they can. If it turns out it’s not for them and you KNOW it, let them try something else next time. If they wanted to learn musical instruments they can, but if they decide it isn’t for them, they can move on.

The Arts

Most parents would agree that art is extremely important element in a child’s life. Expose them often and in a variety of ways. Take advantage and participate in opportunities locally, such as pottery classes and as well as painting pottery and canvases. If you live near a big city, or have a chance to travel to one, be sure to experience art museums, the symphony and the ballet. Some art museums allow you to purchase a membership which is a wonderful resource, especially if a children’s program is offered. When we travel, I try to make a point to book at least one artistic experience related to our artistic interests – this could be anything from a concert to a tie-dye experience! Investigate what is available and think outside the box.

Animals

Some of the most memorable experiences for your family involve animals. If your children are animal lovers, zoos, farms and other animal encounters should be high on your list. Whether you’re horseback riding, swimming with dolphins or volunteering at an animal shelter, these are bucket list items that your family will never forget. We are members at Nashville Zoo and love visiting the veterinary center to see what cute babies they have on a given day. Many of the books I’ve checked out for them have been related to the animals they are interested in currently.

Books

Many cities have amazing public libraries, and they are often an under-used resource. If it has a children’s library, you are especially fortunate. Often, the librarians are kind and knowledgable. Some libraries offer a program for children in the summer, with story time, fun themes, songs and dance.

If you have never been, you will need to start by signing up for a library card, typically best done in person. Every couple of weeks, get your children books that they request, or choose them based on their interests. They are never too young for the library. If you have a baby, they will love being read to. It’s such a special place!

When you are thinking about what books to check out, try to choose between 5 and 10 books per child each time you visit. When they are with me, they choose, but sometimes I pop in and choose books thinking about any one of the following criteria: chapter book series they like, characters they like, non-fiction books based on their interests or things they want to learn about, things they are learning about in school.

Food

Another way we have provided rich experiences for our children is through food. My husband is a classically trained chef, so the girls are naturally immersed in much richer food experience than I ever was. But surprisingly, one of them is an extremely picky eater!

However, that is where I feel I’m able to offer the most help. Most moms I talk to share that they also have a picky eater in the family. If you would like to know more and read about ideas for broadening your picky eaters culinary horizons, check out the blog post I wrote on this very topic.

Experiences Instead of Gifts

One of the greatest shifts I have made was deciding to gift experiences and items the children can use for these experiences, instead of toys which often end up being discarded after a week or so. When birthdays or Christmases roll around, consider your child’s interests and enroll them in a cooking class, basketball camp, or horseback riding lessons. Use the money you would have spent on unneeded gifts and use that money for a family trip or experience.

The Big Idea

The memories that you create from giving your child rich life experiences are priceless. Things come and go, but what children really want is your time: presence instead of presents. In this modern day and age where we are led to believe we need a certain gadget or brand of clothing to make us happy, what hasn’t changed over time is that those items lose value the moment we finally possess them, but the family adventures we experience together are treasured for a lifetime.

15 Fun Indoor Ideas for Kids in the Winter: Screen-Free!
kids · parenting

15 Fun Indoor Ideas for Kids in the Winter: Screen-Free!

Essentially Better Living1 Comment

In the past year, just like most families, we find ourselves home more, especially in the winter months. We watch movies, learn virtually, and spend lots of time on zooms. My youngest daughter loves her tablet, and my oldest loves her phone. But it is so important to time aside each week and even daily where they need to find something to do, off screen.

I have tried to become intentional about setting time aside and asking them to put all devices away so that they are giving their eyes and minds a break. In the spring, summer and fall we spend lots of time outdoors and we go on lots of adventures outside the house. It has been more challenging as the weather has turned much colder and the wind can make it downright unbearable to go outside. Despite the weather, it is important to me as a parent that our children don’t grow up addicted to screens and that their hearts find delight in the simple pleasures in life. I thought I would share a list of indoor activities we have enjoyed that bring joy with no screen involved. I hope these help and inspire your family and I would love to know if you have suggestions to add in the comments. We are always looking for new ideas.

  1. Reading: We are regulars at our local library! We check out new books every few weeks so they are always options around that are new and enticing.
  2. Blocks: Wooden blocks (we have these), Legos, Magformers, Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs.
  3. Art: Coloring, painting, cutting and pasting, jewelry making, knitting
  4. Writing: journaling, making lists, goal setting, bucket lists, making cards, writing letters, crossword puzzles, word searches
  5. Board games: Scrabble, Pictionary, Sorry, Connect Four, Guess Who, Checkers, and Yahtzee are some of our favorites.
  6. Music: Play piano (or take up another instrument), play records on the record player, read and learn song lyrics, create a music center (we have harmonicas, kazoos, tambourine, drum, recorder, xylophone and more)
  7. Puzzles: large floor puzzles or consider investing in a puzzle board or table for more complex puzzles.
  8. Build a fort: include blankets, pillows, sheets and flashlights.
  9. Cooking: our kiddos especially enjoy baking and making pizzas.
  10. Chores: there are some they actually like. Both like folding laundry and bringing in and putting away groceries.
  11. Indoor trampoline. One of the best investments we’ve made. It lets them get out energy even when the temp outside is freezing.
  12. Decluttering: Both of my children will take on decluttering willingly. They love the free feeling of getting rid of unwanted things and making space. They also like knowing some other families in need may receive the items they are letting go of.
  13. Make-believe games: Playing house, school or doctor
  14. Tactile fun: Kinetic Sand, Play-Doh and modeling clay are always a hit.
  15. Bring on the classic toys: Lite Brite, dolls, cars, Rubik’s Cube

I hope you and your kids are inspired by this list. Once you are armed with fun ideas, you may find hours go by without anyone wanting to look at a screen. Raising kids who aren’t addicted to screens is really important, and it starts when they are young. The habits you instill in them now will stick with them for years to come.

*As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

You are good.
kids · parenting · wisdom

You are good.

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Last school year, when my youngest daughter was in kindergarten, she had homework to write three “I am” sentences. Three sentences that began with “I am” that were true about herself. As I was going through some of her old papers this week, I came across this homework paper again.

Her first sentence brought tears to my eyes:

I AM A GOOD PERSON.

I echoed back to her, “You sure are a good person.”

Don’t we all need to hear that? And to know that is powerful.

But the truth is we all have times in our life when we question our goodness. We feel less than. We allow the words or perspectives of others taint our self-image, or we let our disappointment in our own thoughts, words or actions affect how we view ourselves. The Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

But why did her words cause me to tear up? I think it was for two reasons:

1. I questioned if I ever made her feel she is not good somehow? As a parent, am I affirming her enough? Does she really know she is good? What can I do to make sure this precious child never questions that statement and maintains her self-worth?

2. Am I good? I want to be good – a good person, a good mom, a good friend, a good teacher. I want to be seen as good, perhaps more than anything.

A few of years ago, I picked “good” as my word for that year and thought I would share some words that brought me comfort then and even still as I reflect on them now.

In a world where we see evil at every turn, I want a constant reminder to combat it with GOOD.

When I hear complaining and gossip around me and feel tempted to join in, instead I need to remember to look for the GOOD.

When I have a conversation, interaction, Facebook post, or decision to make, I want to make sure I’m adding GOOD to the world with my words and choices.

When I feel envious, angry, hurt or resentful, I can choose to act on my emotions or I can choose to see it as an opportunity to do rise above and model what is right and good.

When those around me feel less than or unworthy, I will make sure they know that they are good, that there is much more right about them than wrong.

You are good.